📋 Episode Summary

Emily and Marc welcome their son Caleb Pitman—an improvising musician, trumpet player, composer, and graduate student at NYU—for a conversation about music, identity, influence, and developing a voice of your own.

Caleb explains why he often prefers the term Black American music to "jazz," honoring the people and traditions that created the musical language he is learning to speak. He describes improvisation not as randomness, but as a deeply structured, evolving language built from history, shared references, individual choices, and careful listening.

The conversation expands beyond music into a larger question: What happens when we stop diluting ourselves to make our work acceptable to everyone? Caleb, Emily, and Marc explore the freedom of knowing who you are not for, choosing your influences intentionally, pursuing what you do not yet understand, and allowing excellence, passion, and love to invite others into curiosity.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Calling something by its fuller name can honor the people, history, and intellectual tradition that created it.

• Improvisation is not random. It happens within a framework shaped by language, history, rhythm, harmony, and relationship.

• Developing a distinct voice requires both active influence and active exclusion.

• Making work more "accessible" can sometimes become an excuse for diluting its honesty, complexity, or excellence.

• It can be freeing to identify who your work is not for instead of trying to appeal to everyone.

• Passion and deep understanding can invite people into curiosity without requiring the work to be simplified.

• The areas that confuse or intimidate us may be the most valuable places to study next.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"I'm still trying to speak 'composer' into existence, but I say it because I do it." – Caleb

"The creators of the musical stew that I'm contributing to—the people who first put the stock down—are Black Americans." – Caleb

"There's something really cool about not diluting who you are or what you do." – Caleb

"Just make it honest and authentic in what you want." – Caleb

"You're composing a frame of reference. Here are the puzzle pieces—improvise within this musical context." – Caleb

"Excellence and love invite people to be curious." – Emily

"Stop transcribing stuff you understand." – Caleb

"I'm still figuring out my voice, which is something everyone has to do." – Caleb

🧰 Tools & Mentions - And Artists

• Caleb Pitman — improvising musician, trumpeter, and composer completing graduate studies at NYU

• Black American music

• Mark Turner

• Keith Jarrett's American Quartet and European Quartet

• J.S. Bach's Inventions

• Artfield Log — Caleb's note-taking practice for capturing reflections after concerts and focused listening

👥 Who Should Listen

• Musicians, artists, and creators developing a voice of their own

• People thinking about how language can either honor or obscure the origins of an art form

• Anyone tempted to dilute meaningful work to make it acceptable to everyone

• Coaches, speakers, and entrepreneurs deciding who they are—and are not—best suited to serve

• Parents who enjoy hearing their adult children explain the depth of their work

• Curious listeners who want to understand improvisation as a disciplined language rather than random expression

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

In their 50th episode, Emily and Marc continue exploring transitions with the word "flux"—the act of flowing, a state of ongoing change, and even a substance that prepares surfaces to form a stronger connection.

The conversation begins with a transition hiding in plain sight. For the first autumn in nearly five decades, Emily will have no direct connection to a school calendar. With their children finished with formal education, she and Marc wonder what freedom from that long-standing rhythm might make possible—and how a change can contain both grief and rebirth without requiring a cheerful silver lining.

From lava lamps and flowing streams to travel pauses, hometown longing, and the possibility of carrying "settled" within you, Emily and Marc consider whether they have become so accustomed to transition that stability feels unfamiliar. Maybe being settled has less to do with staying in one place and more to do with carrying your center of gravity wherever you go.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Some transitions only become visible when we step back from the immediate event and notice the larger story arc.

• A change can contain both grief and rebirth. Recognizing new possibilities does not require covering pain with a bright, reassuring sticker.

• Flux is not disintegration. Something can remain connected while continuing to move and change shape.

• Curiosity can help us engage with changes in our inner and outer lives rather than insisting that everything remain fixed.

• A temporary pause can create calm and spaciousness without becoming a permanent restriction.

• Being settled may not require a hometown, one location, or an absence of movement.

• Sometimes we pursue a version of belonging that does not fit the life we were actually given.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"This is going to be my first autumn with no direct link into the education calendar." – Emily

"Is this a death and dying, or is this a rebirth?" – Emily

"Being able to grab for that sense of rebirth, even in the grieving, opens us up to embracing the challenges and the experiences that are coming." – Emily

"I think it's important that we do experience the grieving, even as a guy that always wants to see the silver lining." – Marc

"Flux is the act of flowing—the continuous moving on." – Emily

"There's still bonds and connection. It's just moving." – Marc

"I know people who have settled that still move. They carry their settled with them." – Marc

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• WordHippo https://wordhippo.com/

• Libby https://libbyapp.com/

• Familia by Lauren E. Rico

• Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

• Inner Work by Robert A. Johnson

👥 Who Should Listen

• Parents adjusting to life after their children finish school or leave home

• People whose lives have long been structured around academic calendars

• Anyone holding grief and new possibility at the same time

• Frequent travelers or highly mobile people wondering what it means to feel settled

• Listeners who find change energizing but are less certain how stability might fit them

• People questioning whether the version of belonging they have pursued is actually theirs

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

In this episode, Emily and Marc continue their exploration of transitions with the word "recalibrate." What begins with the satisfying shape of the word—and the equally satisfying factors of the number 24—opens into a conversation about pausing, gathering feedback, and noticing whether the direction they chose still fits.

They reflect on Scrum, coaching, marriage, work, values, productivity, and the difference between filling every available hour and recognizing when enough has been done. Recalibration does not always require a dramatic life change. Sometimes it is a small adjustment: listening more carefully, taking an unexpected trip to a state park, or asking whether the standard we are using was ever realistic in the first place.

The conversation lands on alignment—the inner gyroscope that helps us remain upright while life shifts around us. Recalibrating means staying willing to learn, adjust, and give ourselves permission to move our energy somewhere else.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Recalibration begins with feedback: new information that helps us see whether the original direction still fits.

• Pausing to reassess is not the opposite of progress. It can keep us from climbing quickly toward the wrong destination.

• Recalibration can happen at both the macro level—moving, changing work, reshaping a marriage—and the micro level of checking in during an ordinary day.

• Productivity is not always measured by how many available hours we fill.

• Standards we have never clearly named may be unreasonable, impossible, or inherited from someone else.

• A "definition of done" can be enough for the next step without pretending the larger work is finished.

• Alignment with values can function like an inner gyroscope when circumstances and outside expectations keep shifting.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"Recalibrate seems hopeful." – Marc

"To me, recalibration starts with data. We have feedback." – Emily

"I love the idea of having data that says, 'I can do this better.'" – Emily

"I received an invitation to dwell in the reset in a way that may not feel so comfortable." – Marc

"The workday is an hour amount of time, not a project amount of time." – Emily

"We have this standard that we're holding ourselves to that we haven't taken the time to spell out—because if we did, we'd know it's totally unreasonable." – Marc

"I guess a word that goes with recalibrate for me is alignment." – Emily

"Yes, I have open tasks left, and I have done enough." – Marc

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• Familia by Lauren E. Rico

• Libby https://libbyapp.com/

• Scrum

• International Coaching Federation Core Competencies https://coachingfederation.org/credentials-and-standards/core-competencies

• Stephen Covey's "ladder against the wrong wall" metaphor

👥 Who Should Listen

• Self-employed people and high achievers who struggle to decide when the workday is done

• Leaders and teams who need space to evaluate what is working before rushing forward

• Couples reconsidering how their routines reflect their shared values

• Coaches and reflective listeners interested in alignment, active listening, and meaningful pauses

• Anyone wondering whether they need a dramatic change or simply a thoughtful adjustment

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

In this episode, Emily and Marc talk with Jeff Gibbard — neurodivergent, multi-passionate entrepreneur, author of The Lovable Leader, and self-described superhero working to make the world kinder, safer, and more equitable. Jeff shares the drive behind his work: knowing that time is limited and wanting to do as much good as he can while he is here.

The conversation moves through storytelling, entrepreneurship, marriage, parenting, neurodiversity, and Jeff's user guide framework — a way for people to explain how they work, what helps them thrive, and what makes life more difficult. Rather than putting people into boxes, the user guide creates room for each person to be understood as unique.

Jeff is still figuring out "everything." Together, the three explore how growth requires staying open, how isolation can cause us to calcify, and how community keeps challenging us to learn. Figuring it out is not an endpoint. It is the beginning, middle, and end — a willingness to remain a work in progress.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Knowing that time is limited can become fuel for doing good without holding back.

• The impact of our effort may not become visible until years later — and may reach people we never expected.

• Personal user guides help people describe what they need without requiring them to disclose labels or diagnoses.

• Personality and assessment tools can strengthen relationships when they create understanding rather than confining people to boxes.

• Conflict shifts when it becomes "me and you versus the problem" rather than "me versus you."

• Even the things we think we have mastered change with the context, the people involved, and the moment.

• Community exposes us to different ideas and helps keep fear, isolation, and certainty from hardening us.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"I'm just a person who's out there trying to do the best I can with the time I've got." – Jeff

"Maybe the lesson that we take away isn't that life isn't fair. Maybe it's that you have no idea who you can impact when you leave it all on the court." – Jeff

"What if we just asked each person what it is that makes them tick?" – Jeff

"You don't need to change, and I don't need to change. We just need to understand one another." – Jeff

"It's not me versus you. It's me and you versus the problem." – Jeff

"The figuring out is no longer the endpoint, but the beginning point." – Emily

"The only way you get here is by being there, at that one point of not knowing." – Jeff

"We all have a choice on Mondays to get up and be brave." – Emily

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• The Lovable Leader by Jeff Gibbard https://jeffgibbard.com/lovable-leader/

• Rogue podcast https://jeffgibbard.com/rogue/

• The Superhero Institute https://superheroinstitute.org/

• Personal User Guides

• Pressure Points productivity program

• The Enneagram

👥 Who Should Listen

• Leaders and managers who want to create workplaces where more people can thrive

• Neurodivergent professionals looking for ways to communicate what helps them work well

• Couples and families interested in understanding one another without trying to change one another

• Entrepreneurs balancing many interests, projects, and responsibilities

• Parents learning to adapt as their children's personalities and needs become clearer

• Anyone who wants to stay open, curious, and connected rather than becoming isolated or rigid

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

In this episode, Emily and Marc continue their Season 4 exploration of transitions with the word "bridge." The conversation begins with Marc reflecting on his faith journey, modern history, and the book "Jesus and John Wayne" — and how looking back can reveal the structures and systems that shaped parts of his identity.

Emily brings the metaphor to physical bridges: covered bridges in Maine, swimming holes, the bridge between New Hampshire and Maine, singing bridges, long Louisiana bridges, and bridges in music. Together, they notice how a bridge can be both structure and process — something built, something crossed, and something that changes depending on whether you are standing on it or looking at it.

The episode closes in a tender place, as Emily names the bridge of grief: Marc's mother's birthday, the first year after Emily's brother's death, and the first year after Marc's father's death. Some bridges end. Some keep unfolding. And some remind us that transition is not always one clean crossing.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• A bridge can be both a fixed structure and a process — a thing you stand on and a way you move from one place to another.

• Looking back can help us see the hidden engineering beneath what shaped us.

• Not all bridges feel the same. Some are beautiful, some are scary, some sing, and some make us aware of what is underneath us.

• Naming a bridge can change the experience of crossing it.

• Emily and Marc notice that they often approach the same metaphor differently: Marc imagines being on the bridge, while Emily imagines looking at it.

• Some transitions feel like reaching the end of a bridge and stepping back onto the dirt road.

• Grief has its own bridges, especially the first year of birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries after a death.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"We can all stand on something and think we're just standing on something." – Emily

"Different angles, and different suspensions, and different ways that things come together, can support something." – Emily

"Bridge, to me, seems like it's both. It is a fixed structure… but there's a process of walking through it." – Marc

"Sometimes a bridge in music is kind of stepping out of the song to reflect, and then to come back into the song." – Emily

"It's like walking off the bridge and, oh, this is the dirt road again." – Marc

"There's something about coming to the end of the first year of mourning." – Emily

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes Du Mez

• A Bug's Life

• Music and Lyrics

• Three Amigos

• My Cousin Vinny

👥 Who Should Listen

• People reflecting on faith, identity, and the systems that shaped them

• Anyone navigating a transition that feels more like a bridge than a doorway

• Listeners who love metaphors, memory, and the way ordinary places carry meaning

• People moving through grief, especially the first year after a significant loss

• Couples who enjoy hearing how two people can see the same image in very different ways

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

As the season on transitions continues, Emily and Marc reflect on graduations, hospice, politics, wars, uncertainty, and the possibility that transition may not always end neatly. Sometimes the work is not to find a period at the end of the sentence, but to stay flexible, creative, rooted, and open to being repotted into a larger space.

In this episode, Emily and Marc celebrate a quiet milestone: Still Figuring It Out has passed 1,000 downloads. That number becomes a concrete reminder that even a messy, joy-filled project can create connection, community, and meaning beyond what the hosts can see.

The word of the day is "convergence," and the conversation moves through definitions, podcasting, friendship, community, personal boards of directors, weather as ancient human small talk, college as a pressure cooker, and the ways relationships sometimes come together — or don't — at the depth Marc hopes for.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• The podcast began as a place for joy, and reaching 1,000 downloads gives Emily and Marc a tangible reminder that people are listening.

• "Convergence" can mean union, a meeting place, or the coordinated focusing of the eyes — two things coming together so something can be seen more clearly.

• Different relationships have different levels of depth, and not every connection is meant to become a soul-nourishing convergence.

• Small talk, like talking about the weather, may carry deep ancestral memory from when weather was a matter of survival.

• Some seasons of transition may not close cleanly. They may overlap with graduations, grief, politics, family changes, and world events.

• Naming transitions can help with balance, but it does not give us control over all the circumstances.

• Still figuring it out means staying flexible, creative, and willing to keep growing.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"I still feel like our primary goal is to have fun together." – Emily

"It gives us joy." – Marc

"Convergence can be a meeting place." – Emily

"To me, it's the coming together of two things to see something clearly." – Emily

"I think I expect everything to 'be' convergence instead of enjoying convergence." – Marc

"We're holding a lot that we will go through whether we're ready or not." – Emily

"We're getting repotted into more nourishing soil and a bigger space to grow." – Marc

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• WordHippo https://wordhippo.com/

• Personal board of directors

👥 Who Should Listen

• People who are building something slowly and wondering whether it matters

• Listeners who are navigating overlapping family, work, grief, and life transitions

• Couples reflecting on shared creative projects and what gives them joy

• People who crave deep community but are learning to honor lighter forms of connection too

• Anyone wondering whether transition ever really reaches a clean ending

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

In this episode, Emily and Marc talk with Matt Ray, a spirits educator, storyteller, Safe Bar Network trainer, and newly named World's Best American Whiskey Brand Ambassador. Matt brings stories from New Orleans, hospitality, teaching, bartending, alchemy, bourbon, mythology, and the occasional tiny bottle of Underberg.

The conversation moves from Mardi Gras marching crews and surprise neighborhood parades to the deeper work of making bars safer, helping people know when it's time to leave a job, and using influence to strengthen community. Matt talks about the joy of work, the cost of staying where you no longer belong, and the responsibility of helping hospitality workers feel seen and supported.

It's playful, thoughtful, and full of good lines — a conversation about learning, relearning, community, delight, and the lifelong mission of turning lead into gold.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Hospitality can hold both firmness and generosity. Safe spaces are not created by confrontation alone, but through de-escalation, clarity, and care.

• Sometimes loving your work means knowing when it is no longer good for you — or for the people you serve.

• A good leader can care deeply about keeping someone and still tell them the truth when it may be time to go.

• Joy matters. Life is too short to stay indefinitely in work that drains your health, relationships, and sense of self.

• Community-building can be part of professional excellence, not something separate from it.

• Learning is never finished. Forgetting can even become an invitation to rediscover a good story again.

• Turning "lead into gold" becomes a metaphor for becoming more fully ourselves.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"I got to New Orleans as soon as I could." – Matt

"Not everyone is the monster that they sometimes come across as." – Matt

"Love does stuff. Love does not wait." – Matt

"Sometimes, just the looking is part of who you become." – Matt

"Life is too short to be unhappy." – Matt

"I feel like so many people hide from their own greatness." – Emily

"To turn lead into gold is always the mission." – Matt

"I'm both terrified at the amount of work left to do, and also excited by it." – Matt

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• U.S. Bartenders Guild https://usbg.org/

• Sazerac Company https://www.sazerac.com

• Wine & Spirit Education Trust https://www.wsetglobal.com

• Safe Bar Network https://www.safebarnetwork.org

• Turning Tables https://www.turningtablesnola.org

• Bruce Springsteen's autobiography

👥 Who Should Listen

• Hospitality workers, bartenders, and leaders who care about creating safer spaces

• Coaches and managers helping people discern whether to stay, change, or leave

• People who love New Orleans, cocktails, whiskey, Mardi Gras, and good storytelling

• Anyone who has wondered whether joy is a legitimate guide in work and life

• Leaders who want to use their influence to strengthen community

• Lifelong learners who are still figuring out how to turn lead into gold

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass

📋 Episode Summary

In this episode, Emily and Marc explore the word "evolution" as part of Season 4's ongoing conversation about transitions. What begins with science, faith, and Madeline L'Engle turns into a much more personal reflection on marriage, parenting adult children, changing relationships, and learning to give ourselves and others room to grow.

Marc reflects on how hard it can be to believe in someone else's evolution when past hurt or disappointment is involved. Emily brings a coach's curiosity to the difference between expecting others to change and noticing how we ourselves are changing.

Together, they wonder about goals, perfectionism, strategic plans, walking habits, values, community, and the mystery of becoming. By the end, evolution feels less like a straight line and more like navigation: active, intentional, responsive, and open to the possibility that the island may be coming to us.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Evolution can be a grace-filled word because it leaves room for change, growth, and becoming.

• Relationships require curiosity. The people we love are not frozen versions of who they used to be.

• Not every relationship can hold the same amount of spaciousness, and not everyone wants the same kind of community.

• "What goals" and "who goals" can work together: daily practices shape the kind of person we are becoming.

• Evolution may include steps forward, steps back, repair, brokenness, and slow unnoticed change.

• Strategic plans and life plans rarely unfold like GPS directions. Values may function more like the keel of a ship.

• Becoming is not passive, but it may still involve receiving what comes toward us.

🗣 Quote Highlights

"Evolution is a wonder word." – Emily

"To me, the word is a grace-filled word, because it allows for change, allows for growth." – Marc

"If I can shoot for a little bit better, a little bit more, a little bit truer, then I have the courage and the capacity in my heart and the hope to move forward." – Emily

"My role is to set a good table, but I can't make them eat the meal." – Marc

"The what goals and the who goals, I think, work in tandem to evolve each other." – Emily

"I don't want to be so focused that I lose a peripheral vision for, this is so much better than I could have asked or imagined." – Marc

"Māori don't say they're going to the island. They say the island's coming to them." – Marc

"I wonder if our becoming comes to us." – Marc

🧰 Tools & Mentions

• Madeline L'Engle

• GPS as a planning metaphor

• Scrum

• Māori sea voyages and celestial navigation

👥 Who Should Listen

• People navigating personal or relational transitions

• Parents of adult children learning how to relate differently

• Couples reflecting on how marriage changes over time

• Coaches and leaders interested in values-based growth

• Business owners or nonprofit leaders rethinking rigid strategic plans

• Anyone trying to give themselves more grace as they change

🎺 That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music.
Lexi Moreno – composing / mixing / mastering / guitar
Caleb Pitman – composing / mixing / trumpet
Zoe Czarnecki – bass