This week’s episode comes with a small technical disclaimer: we absolutely butchered the video file, so due to corrupted footage, this one is mostly audio-only with a few tiny video scraps sprinkled in. Apologies — although, to be fair, we’ve never looked better.

But fear not, because the rugby chat survives.

After the usual world-class nonsense, we dive into the URC, where the semi-finalists are locked in and rugby fans in New Zealand are, of course, absolutely buzzing with excitement. No irony there whatsoever. In all seriousness, though, the final four should make for some cracking clashes, and we break down what’s coming.

Then it’s over to the final round of Super Rugby, where the Blues continued their late-season collapse by getting absolutely pumped by the Mooloo men of Waikato. Moana Pasifika delivered the feel-good story of the week, grabbing a win in what may sadly be their final game in existence. Meanwhile, the Crusaders — being the absolute bastards they are — appear to be coming right at exactly the right time.

And who gets to face them next week in Christchurch, at their shiny new stadium? The Auckland Blues, currently riding a four-game losing streak. Lovely.

Even better, thanks to the bizarre “lucky loser” setup, the Blues might still sneak through even if they lose. Because apparently even finals rugby doesn’t need actual jeopardy anymore.

We also touch on the Force, Waratahs, Highlanders, and look ahead to a weekend of knockout rugby, jump flights, jump sticks, and all the usual nonsense.

Grab a beer and enjoy.

Two Cents Gets Distracted returns for another week of rugby nonsense, overreactions, and the occasional decent point.

This week: Leinster do what Leinster do best — rock up with what is basically a full international side (plus newly signed 88-test All Black Rico Ioane) and somehow still get absolutely folded in a big knockout game. Bordeaux go back-to-back in the Champions Cup and, sadly for the neutrals, it wasn’t even close. A full-scale French demolition job.

We also discuss the absolute unit that is Ben Tameifuna — less “tighthead prop” and more “small tectonic plate” — while Maxime Lucu continues to prove that if a certain Antoine Dupont didn’t exist, he might genuinely have a case as the best halfback on the planet right now.

Back home, the Chiefs and Crusaders gave us an absolute belter, and annoyingly… those pesky Crusaders are starting to look properly dangerous again. The Force’s finals dream is over, the Reds did enough to sneak through, and thankfully our Blues avoided embarrassment by employing the elite tactical strategy known as “having the bye.”

We cover every Super Rugby game, throw in a dangerous amount of nonsense chat, and somehow end up talking ourselves into several terrible opinions along the way.

Grab a beer and enjoy.

Audio warning from the lads this week: the first 10 minutes are a bit cooked. We had some mic issues, so poor old Mark is a little quiet while we ramble about books, TV shows, random nonsense and even break into a strange little song at one point. It’s still listenable, but if you’re not interested in hearing two idiots talk absolute rubbish before the rugby starts, you can safely skip ahead without missing much.

Once we actually get to rugby, the big topic this week is the South African URC sides reportedly considering pulling out of the Champions Cup. Is the travel just too brutal? Are the players being run into the ground with basically year-round rugby? Are the South African teams really adding enough to justify the chaos? And are fans actually invested in it? We dive into all of it.

Back home, we break down another massive weekend of Super Rugby, including the Blues putting in an absolutely grim performance against the Hurricanes. Genuine dogs balls stuff. The Canes, meanwhile, just keep rolling from strength to strength.

We also cover a couple of brutal injuries from the weekend. Damian McKenzie copped a nasty head knock that’ll likely sideline him for a few weeks, while poor old Tangi Tao suffered a season-ending injury at the worst possible time after pushing hard into All Blacks contention. Proper heartbreaking luck for the bloke. As always, there are tangents, nonsense, overreactions, probably a few terrible takes and a couple of beers along the way.

Grab a beer and enjoy