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That's Where I'm At

That's Where I'm At

By: Laura Richards
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Welcome to "That's Where I'm At" with your host, Laura Richards! Join Laura Richards, a survivor of narcissistic abuse with 33 years experience, as she guides you through the journey of identifying, healing from, and thriving after emotional and psychological abuse. With a mission to raise awareness, foster emotional recovery, and empower you to love yourself, Laura brings honesty, compassion, and a touch of humor to every episode. Dive into deep, meaningful conversations, tackle tough topics, and uncover moments of hope and healing. Our supportive community is here for you, offering insights, support, and a shared path to recovery and empowerment. Subscribe now and be part of a transformative journey that's messy, real, and truly inspiring!2023 Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • EP 87: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola on Coercive Control and How Protective Parents Can Heal the Damage

    EP 87: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola on Coercive Control and How Protective Parents Can Heal the Damage
    Jun 24 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, a therapeutic parenting and divorce custody coach, social justice advocate, and survivor of coercive control. Drawing from both her professional expertise and lived experience, Dr. Christine developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused model that helps parents support children harmed by abusive partners. She is an internationally recognized educator on coercive control, presenting to professionals, advocates, and protective parents on the dynamics of abuse and effective intervention strategies. She is also the author of Every Moment of Every Day, co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, and her TEDx talk, It Is ALL Coercive Control, has been viewed more than 1.4 million times. During the conversation, Dr. Christine shares her personal journey through nearly 30 years of psychological abuse and explains how coercive control extends beyond intimate relationships to manipulate children, families, and even court systems. She discusses tactics such as triangulation, reactive abuse, and the challenges protective parents face while navigating custody disputes. Together, Laura and Dr. Christine explore the critical role of the protective parent, emphasizing that unconditional love, secure attachment, and emotional safety are some of the most powerful tools for helping children heal from abuse. They also discuss grief, rebuilding trust, and restoring family bonds after leaving an abusive relationship, offering hope and practical guidance for survivors seeking to break the cycle of coercive control. Key Topics & Timestamps Introducing Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola (00:01:34) The host introduces guest Dr. Cocchiola, detailing her expertise in coercive control, protective parenting, and her professional work. Dr. Cocchiola Personal Story (00:03:30) Dr. Cocchiola shares how she became an advocate at 19 and later realized she was in a coercively controlling relationship. The Abuser's Playbook (00:05:04) The speakers discuss how abusers follow a predictable pattern of behavior, which can help victims anticipate their next moves. Repairing Relationships with Children (00:06:38) Laura discusses repairing her relationship with her adult children after leaving her marriage and apologizing for her reactive behavior. Reframing "Reactive Abuse" (00:07:45) Dr. Cocchiola reframes "reactive abuse" as self-defense, explaining that victims' reactions are out of character and caused by trauma. How People End Up in Abusive Relationships (00:10:06) The speakers discuss how upbringing, whether good or bad, doesn't always predict who will end up in an abusive relationship. Supporting Children After They Visit the Abuser (00:12:41) Dr. Cocchiola explains how protective parents can co-regulate with their children and understand their behavior is a mouthpiece for the abuser. Defining Coercive Control (00:16:25) Dr. Cocchiola defines coercive control, explaining it includes psychological tactics, financial abuse, legal abuse, and weaponizing children. The Smear Campaign (02:11:04) Laura shares her experience of discovering her ex-partner's long-term smear campaign against her after their divorce. Identifying Power Dynamics in Therapy (00:24:36) Dr. Cocchiola demonstrates how a therapist can identify a power imbalance by asking specific questions about the relationship dynamics. The Dangers of Couples Counseling (00:27:06) Laura shares her negative experience with a marriage counselor who dismissed her concerns and sided with her ex-husband. Securing Attachment with Your Child (00:31:32) Dr. Cocchiola emphasizes creating a secure attachment by allowing children to be their authentic selves and providing unconditional love. Abusers Fracturing Family Relationships (00:35:34) The discussion covers how abusers triangulate and pit siblings against each other to maintain control and isolate family members. The Grief of Protective Parents (00:38:54) Dr. Cocchiola talks about the immense and disenfranchised grief protective parents experience when their relationship with their children is harmed. Hope for Protective Parents (00:46:04) Dr. Cocchiola offers a message of hope, reminding protective parents that they are their child's greatest healer and superpower. How to Connect with Dr. Cocchiola (00:48:18) Dr. Cocchiola shares where listeners can find her work, including her website, podcast, and TEDx talk. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Christine, "I would get rid of the word reactive abuse because when you are trapped in the den with the wolf, at some point you're going to fight back." Christine, "I'm here to say there's no judgment if you stay. People stay for a variety of reasons, and sometimes they have to." Christine, "The mothering that we all plan to be, the mothering we thought we'd all get to do—it's robbed from you." Christine, "I want you to realize that you are your ...
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    50 mins
  • EP 86: How Does Trauma Get Stored in the Body and How Can Somatic Healing Help? with Courtney Copeland

    EP 86: How Does Trauma Get Stored in the Body and How Can Somatic Healing Help? with Courtney Copeland
    Jun 17 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Courtney Copeland, an Integrative Somatic Practitioner, trauma educator, and advocate who brings laughter, healing, and empowerment to clients and audiences around the world. With a Master's Degree in Human Services Counseling and certifications in Integrative Somatic Healing, Thought Field Therapy Algorithms, and other trauma-informed modalities, Courtney combines professional expertise with lived experience to help people understand how trauma impacts both the mind and body. Her work has included serving as Co-Clinical Director for the Tidewater Emergency Medical Services Critical Incident Stress Management team and providing mental health and crisis intervention training for first responders. Together, Laura and Courtney explore how trauma is stored in the body and often manifests as physical symptoms, as well as the role of modalities such as EMDR, somatic therapy, and nervous system regulation in the healing process. Courtney explains how laughter, crying, movement, and other body-centered practices can help release trapped emotions and support recovery. They also discuss the importance of finding the right therapist, advocating for your needs in the healing journey, and building a personalized toolkit for resilience and growth. Drawing from both her professional background and real-life experiences, Courtney offers practical, compassionate insights designed to help listeners feel seen, understood, and empowered. She also shares details about her upcoming podcast, Trauma Intersections, and her program, Start With Just One Breath, which provides accessible, body-centered tools for navigating trauma and healing. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction: Courtney Copeland (00:01:20) Laura introduces guest Courtney Copeland, an integrative somatic practitioner, and her holistic approach to processing trauma stored in the body. Courtney's Journey into Trauma Work (00:02:18) Courtney shares her personal story of becoming a trauma professional after a career change and her education in Human Services. How Trauma is Stored in the Body (00:03:19) An explanation of how the body keeps a record of trauma, sometimes causing emotional immaturity and physical ailments. Identifying and Processing Stored Trauma (00:04:46) Courtney explains her approach to helping clients identify and process past traumatic events that are affecting their present behavior. Understanding EMDR (00:08:50) The discussion covers EMDR therapy, how it works without reliving trauma, and its origins from a walk in the park. The Importance of Professional Guidance (00:11:55) Courtney advises working with a trained professional for deep trauma work like EMDR to ensure safety and proper guidance. What is a Somatic Practitioner? (00:14:29) Courtney explains somatic work, which uses the body's senses and holistic practices to help release stored trauma and tension. The Body's Physical Release of Trauma (00:17:44) Discussion on how physical activities like yoga and deep breathing can trigger the release of trapped emotions through shaking or crying. Finding the Right Therapist (00:20:31) The importance of finding a therapist who is a good fit and knowing when it's time to move on. The Role of the Therapist (00:26:06) A therapist's job is to remain professional and supportive, creating a safe space for the client's story and emotions. The Catharsis of Crying (00:27:39) Crying is a natural way the body regulates its nervous system and releases emotions, and it shouldn't be suppressed. Self-Care After an Emotional Release (00:30:10) Courtney provides tips for self-care after a big emotional release, including nutrition, hydration, rest, and positive self-talk. The Healing Power of Laughter (00:32:57) Laughter is a powerful tool for healing as it helps regulate breathing and brings light into dark emotional spaces. Using Your Healing Toolkit (00:37:49) Healing involves using multiple tools and modalities; it's important to find what works for you and build a diverse toolkit. Advocating for Yourself in Therapy (00:44:52) Listeners are empowered to ask therapists about their training and to leave if it's not a good fit. Inner Child Work (00:48:05) The validity and healing power of inner child work, which involves comforting and reparenting the younger parts of yourself. The Gut-Brain Connection (00:52:44) Courtney explains how emotional distress often manifests physically in the gut due to the vagus nerve's extensive network. Courtney's Upcoming Projects (00:53:24) Courtney announces her new podcast, "Trauma Intersections," and two upcoming signature programs focused on healing and self-care. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Courtney, "I had an episode myself where I didn't have the support that I needed, so I went to grad school and became the person that I needed at that time." Courtney, "I let all that go. I'm proud of myself for letting that go. You don't ...
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    56 mins
  • EP 85: Understanding Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control with Mardi Winder: A Strategic Guide for Women Facing Complex Divorces

    EP 85: Understanding Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control with Mardi Winder: A Strategic Guide for Women Facing Complex Divorces
    Jun 10 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura welcomes Mardi Winder, a Strategic Divorce Consultant, founder of Strategic Divorce Directory and Positive Communication Systems, host of The D Shift: Redefining Divorce and Beyond podcast, and creator of the Real Divorce Talks summit series. With more than 30 years of experience supporting individuals through high-conflict, complex, and high-asset divorces, Mardi specializes in helping clients navigate separation with greater clarity, confidence, and control while reducing the emotional and financial costs of the process. Drawing from her extensive background in mediation, executive and leadership coaching, emotional intelligence, and strategic communication, Mardi shares her expertise on navigating divorces involving narcissistic abuse and coercive control. She and Laura discuss the psychological tactics abusers use, including gaslighting, smear campaigns, and trauma bonding, as well as why leaving these relationships can be so difficult. Mardi also offers practical insights into mediation, decision-making, and the importance of building the right legal and professional support team. Throughout the conversation, both women share personal experiences and explore how narcissists often target strong, capable individuals while systematically undermining their confidence over time. This episode provides valuable education, practical resources, and reassurance that healing, empowerment, and a healthier future are possible after abuse and divorce. Key Topics & Timestamps Navigating Mediation in High-Conflict Divorces (00:00:00) Mardi advises on using mediation, knowing your bottom line, and having an attorney on call to review any agreements. Podcast Introduction (00:01:00) Host Laura introduces the "That's Where I'm At" podcast, its mission to share stories, and help women heal. Guest Introduction: Mardi Wender (00:01:59) Laura welcomes strategic divorce consultant Mardi Wender and shares her extensive background in high-conflict divorce, mediation, and coaching. Mardi's Journey into Divorce Consulting (00:03:43) Mardi explains her background in family mediation, domestic violence advocacy, and how she transitioned to coaching targets of narcissists. Laura's Mediation Experience (00:07:08) Laura reflects on her own mediation, wishing she had representation and knew about narcissistic abuse and coercive control tactics. Pets and Kids in Abusive Relationships (00:10:48) Mardi discusses how pets and children are often used as leverage, making it difficult for victims to leave. The Trauma Bond and Feeling Stuck (00:11:35) Laura and Mardi discuss the trauma bond and how abusers erode their partner's confidence, making them feel incapable of leaving. The Slow Erosion of Self-Esteem (00:13:25) Laura shares how her ex-husband chipped away at her self-worth, making even her own father doubt her independence. Extreme Manipulation and Smear Campaigns (00:14:32) Mardi shares a story of a client whose husband drugged her to create a false narrative that she was an alcoholic. Gaslighting and Finding Clarity (00:16:10) Laura describes being gaslit into believing she was "crazy" and how understanding narcissistic abuse helped her start to heal. The Neuroscience of Narcissism (00:19:52) Mardi discusses the brain differences in narcissists and psychopaths, explaining why they lack conscientiousness and see everyone as a threat. "Super Traits" and How They're Exploited (00:23:01) Mardi explains how narcissists weaponize their partner's positive traits like loyalty, honesty, and commitment to maintain control. The Blame Game and Maintaining Integrity (00:24:28) Laura discusses how abusers shift blame, making their victims feel responsible for the relationship ending, despite the abuser's actions. Extreme Acquiescence in Abusive Relationships (00:25:54) Mardi shares a story of a client who was so manipulated she allowed her husband to bring sex workers home. Brainwashing and Cult-Like Dynamics (00:28:44) Mardi explains the elements of brainwashing and compares the dynamic in these relationships to being in a "cult of one." The Narcissist's Need for a Partner (00:33:12) Mardi explains that narcissists are empty vessels who need a partner for "narcissistic supply" and to maintain appearances. First Date Red Flags (00:35:28) Mardi offers tips for spotting a narcissist early on, such as turning questions back on them and testing their flexibility. Mardi's Podcast and Summits (00:37:30) Mardi talks about starting her podcast to provide resources and hosting free divorce summits to help people heal. The Power of Sharing Stories (00:40:03) Laura and Mardi discuss the importance of women sharing their stories and connecting with each other for support and healing. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Mardi, "I tell people it's literally like you've been a hostage, and you wouldn't ask a hostage to negotiate with the person that kidnapped them." Laura, "When...
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    42 mins
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