Hear Ye, Hear Ye! I declare a table for all people to have conversations about what housework is, what needs to be done, who needs to do it, and consider all life factors into those definitions and roles. I have just found myself a little frustrated that men get a bad wrap when it comes to helping in the house. Before you show up with torches to take me down, hear me out.

Men

There is clearly a discrepancy between what men think house work is, how it should be done, and who should be doing it. I take Grayson to swim lessons every week. I have been watching the female and male life guards and observing how they teach differently. Neither is right or wrong, just different approaches. Nonetheless, there are discrepancies in how the skills are taught and the priority on which skills get focus.

My husband was always great at bathing the kids. Honestly his way was better. But if I had insisted on my way, I probably would have just done it myself in frustration. He enjoyed it and I didn't have to. When the grandkids came along he once again got excited to help with bath time. But to be clear, even if his way wasn't better, I would have kept having him do it just so I didn't. And that's just it. Who is willing to help even if it's not your way.

We Are All Doing the Best We Can

I took the time to read an excerpt from Sunshine Girl by Julianna Margulies (pp. 208-209). It's a delicate apology from her dad to her. It's a perspective she had not considered. Some men are going to a job they don't like everyday just to continue to provide. They love seeing their families happy and taken care of. That job they endure provides that lifestyle. And then on top of that their partner is saying they don't do enough around the house. They are constantly being put on the defensive about "doing enough." And I get it about the invisible load and anxiety over our homes ladies. But if he says "Just tell me what to do." Just tell him. He's in his own minutiae and may not see what needs to be done around the house.

I want to see spouses working together to take care of their home. I believe both parties need to give 100%. Based on your careers and life circumstances it will likely not be 50/50. I want to see us seeking and valuing their perspective, their methods, and trying to learn from them too. Only have this expectation for yourself. You are only in control of you. Cherish the men in your life while you have them and Happy Father's Day!!

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Pedicures and massages aren't cutting the mustard anymore. Society is crying out for self care. How can we fill our cups to continue supporting our families? In May Planning Day, I thought about what I wanted to do for my own self care. Sometimes it's the smallest things but we don't realize doing that thing would fill your cup. So I am sharing my ideas in this episode.

10 Self Care Ideas

10. Get time outside doing what you enjoy - for me I will be enjoying our deck, our back yard, and sunsets

9. CEO Days - I will take time, once a month on a Monday, to plan how I will take care of myself, run my home, and have peace of mind because I had focused thinking and planned.

8. Identify and Protect project time - once I realized a 4 hour chunk of time on Saturdays for projects, I have protected it to keep it for myself.

7. Exercise - you get old due to lack of movement. I don't want that. I want a healthy body to support me into my 100's.

6. Have Strategic Time with Humans - those people you want to spend time with. Make calendar dates to keep your marriage strong, see friends, support your children in a way that is gratifying to you, and whoever else you want to catch up with.

5. Learn - I got a book series I loved in the past. I plan to devour it this summer. But think about what you like and get books reserved, podcasts downloaded, order books through amazon, put together your watch list on your preferred streaming service. Like what would you like to learn about?

4. Try New Foods - I have my chicken salad meal but I am thinking about exploring alternatives. But maybe you like to cook? Or maybe you are wanting to eat healthier, what does that look like for you? I will also be setting the habit to meal prep on Sundays.

3. Personal Reset - Go through your personal spaces like your closet, bathroom, or nightstand and decide if the things in there are supporting where you are going and who you are becoming. Discard or donate the rest.

2. Medical Deep Dive - I have a feeling most will skip this one but I am all about my medical binder this summer. I want to see where there are well test gaps and get the screening or baseline numbers from the tests I have avoided. We don't let our kids skip these things so why do we skip them for ourselves?

AND NUMBER ONE: Join Escaping Quicksand Self Care Retreat! You can join in person or virtually. You will get four hours on June 26th, 2026, to think about YOU! Get registered and get ready to escape that quicksand!

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Have you ever heard "planned neglect" anywhere else but Organize 365? Probably not because it's a term I coined to describe what I do to more effectively manage my responsibilities and time. One can't do everything so you must determine what is the highest value you provide to your work, community, or family and implement planned neglect for a certain amount of time to manage it all.

I Must Have Mentioned "Planned Neglect" Before

I was fairly shocked when I asked AI to give me some feedback based on a few episodes I shared. It explained the "framework" I have put in place. Ha! Much to my surprise because I hadn't realized I offered a framework. I must have talked about it a few times on the podcast. But it wasn't wrong. You need to identify the timeline when you will be using this planned neglect. Then you should tell your family so they know what's happening when you start to cut corners to free up time for you to better utilize your highest value in this phase of life. Then you need to extend a lot of grace to yourself. It's ok that you have lowered your standards. It doesn't have to be forever just while something else needs more of you. Then you need to implement these temporary habits. And understand that this particular shortcut you have used in the past may not help you the same as it has in the past. You may need to figure out a different way to make life easier for a certain amount of time.

So back in the day when the dinosaurs were still roaming around, I identified planned neglect. I needed a little more time to work on my direct sales business. I thought about what could I neglect to give my attention to focus on my business? So I started with a nanny for 10 hours one day a week. Once my business grew even more I hired an assistant to help just 5 hours a week. Then there was the time I realized I was driving 25 hours a week. It was time to outsource laundry. It was beautiful for a while when I would drop off my laundry and pick it up folded and hung. And I have shared a few phases of life when paper plates became the china of choice in the Woodruff household.

Coming Out of "Planned Neglect"

Now that the PhD is coming to an end I have really wrestled with what I want to do with that time. I acknowledge that I will go back to cleaning my house and maintaining my own window boxes. I have really been thinking about the planned neglect I have practiced and it's time to reverse some of those habits. It dawned on me that while I am back to using real plates for lunch and dinner, I will continue to use paper plates and bowls of different sizes for breakfast. Also, I hadn't realized pursuing the PhD meant my health and body would suffer. I hadn't put any thought into my nutrition and I certainly wasn't moving as much as a person should. So now that I am coming out of planned neglect I have started to use some of that time to go to the gym. And I have decided I no longer want to spend that money on the Tovala meals. It was worth the money when I didn't have time to grocery shop or meal prep. But now, I have time to focus on my nutrition so I am not ordering Tovala meals. Who knows, I may utilize them again in a season I need to.

As I come out of planned neglect I am going to take back my body and health. I will also be giving time back to working on Organize 365®. You have already seen a little bit of this as I have eliminated the work products. I am launching my new book "Escaping Quicksand" and will likely write more books. And I am getting ready to focus on The Productive Home CEO and new terminology to go with it being the Household CEO. I also want to explore how to use this new authority in academia to benefit household managers and their systems.

And at home I will be filling in all the blanks in my information management binders from The Paper Solution® and taking one day a month to focus on my CEO position in the Woodruff house. Planned neglect is simply looking at your tasks, deciding how you can lower your standards of that task and then implementing a new habit for a certain amount of time. Mine was the PhD recently, what is yours?

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