Do you love your partner? Are you sure? What about now? Still sure? If your brain won't stop cross-examining your own feelings, this one's for you.

In this episode, Jess and Laura dig into relationship OCD (rOCD) — the subtype that turns love into a courtroom and your own mind into the world's most annoying prosecutor. We cover what rOCD actually looks like, why it's so easy to mistake for genuine doubt, and how it gets you stuck in a loop of checking, reassurance-seeking, and mental reviewing that makes everything worse (classic OCD, honestly).

We also get into retroactive jealousy, false memories (yes, including the "did I actually kiss someone at that party in 2009?" variety), where our weirdly perfectionist ideas about relationships come from, and how different treatment approaches can help you stop taking your brain spam quite so literally.

Plus: The rOCD trap, some extra considerations for this subtype, and a surprise cameo in the Exposure Lab.

Podcast by

Laura Mole, Adv. Dip, MBACP OCD specialist therapist

and

Jessica Hayes, Msc PGDip, BABCP Accred OCD and perinatal specialist therapist

Edited by Christian Nickson

Time stamps:

00:00 Relationship OCD Google searches

02:47 Intro and hello

04:40 Brain Spam

07:20 Why relationship OCD?

07:42 What is rOCD and what does it look like?

12:45 What might someone with rOCD do?

15:00 Where we get perfectionist views of relationships

19:49 The relationship OCD trap

23:20 Retroactive jealousy

24:00 Did I just kiss that person? And other false memories

27:20 Is this OCD or normal doubt?

36:19 How do we work with rOCD?

40:00 How different approaches can work for OCD

47:30 Extra considerations for this subtype of OCD

1:02:34 Exposure Lab and Peter's cameo

1:05:55 Goodbyes

Get in Touch:

Got intrusive thoughts to share or questions for us:

Email us at ocdcollectiveuk@gmail.com

Follow us on Instagram: @justcheckingpod

Please check out our privacy policy https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YJZ4Sdh4OpxjRR9twGY6dOMH9n55Mq6qTqLBxOtN3Fw/edit?usp=sharing

Content Warnings:

We do reference some thoughts that people may find distressing so please listen with caution if this is you, and take a break if you need to.

Disclaimer

This podcast provides educational content only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support, please contact a mental health professional for advice and support.

Ever watched someone you love spiral and had no idea what to do — so you just… answered the question? Yeah. This week we're talking directly to the OCD support squad: partners, parents, siblings, and anyone else who's been accidentally colluding with OCD while trying to be a good human.

We cover why OCD feels the way it does (brain spam, basically), the sneaky reassurance traps even the most well-meaning loved ones fall into, what to actually say instead, and how to look after yourself in all of this. Warm, honest, occasionally chaotic, and featuring Laura's chunky rims and some words that made Jess blush.

Podcast by

Laura Mole, Adv. Dip, MBACP OCD specialist therapist

and

Jessica Hayes, Msc PGDip, BABCP Accred OCD and perinatal specialist therapist

Edited by Christian Nickson

Time stamps:

00:40 Introductions and chunky rims

02:30 What we are covering and upcoming episodes

03:50 Brain spam

07:20 Recap of the OCD cycle

10:15 How OCD feels to someone with it

13:46 An example of what OCD is like for the person

18:00 Example of the impact of OCD on their loved one

20:02 Family accommodation and reinforcing the OCD

22:15 Reducing reassurance in a gradual and supportive way

26:42 Expectations and time frames for dropping reassurance

27:45 The reassurance trap and sneaky reassurance

30:30 Phrases to use instead of reassurance

31:15 The reassurance book

33:42 Validating the emotion, not the thoughts

34:30 Reassuring the person, not the OCD phrases

35:45 Managing the shame of a 'failed' exposure

36:40 Balancing care vs colliding with OCD when you need to manage your own emotions

39:07 Attending a therapy session

41:19 How to support exposures or behavioural experiments

47:18 Helping to advocate for a loved one with OCD

49:50 Neurodivergent considerations

52:10 Support for the supporter

54:00 What if the loved one doesn't want help?

57:18 What people with OCD want you to know

1:00:15 Do's and dont's

1:02:48 OCD Wins of the Week

1:04:13 Exposure Lab

1:06:15 Goodbye!

Get in Touch:

Got intrusive thoughts to share or questions for us:

Email us at ocdcollectiveuk@gmail.com

Follow us on Instagram: @justcheckingpod

Please check out our privacy policy https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YJZ4Sdh4OpxjRR9twGY6dOMH9n55Mq6qTqLBxOtN3Fw/edit?usp=sharing

Content Warnings:

We do reference some thoughts that people may find distressing so please listen with caution if this is you, and take a break if you need to.

Disclaimer

This podcast provides educational content only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support, please contact a mental health professional for advice and support.

Convinced you'll be the one person who does Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) wrong? This one's for you. Jess Hayes and Laura Mole walk through how ERP actually works — who picks the exposures, how scary they need to be, and why you genuinely cannot fail — plus what happens when therapy ends.

Exposure and Response Prevention is all about exposing yourself to your OCD fears (exposure) and then making active choices in not engaging in compulsions and avoidance (response prevention) to challenge the OCD, and it is often referred to as the 'gold standard' of OCD treatment. This episode explores why it can be a helpful approach, and future episodes will discuss some alternatives.

Podcast by

Laura Mole, Adv. Dip, MBACP OCD specialist therapist

and

Jessica Hayes, Msc PGDip, BABCP Accred OCD and perinatal specialist therapist

and

Christian Nickson, editor

Time stamps:

02:00 Brain spam

05:20 OCD brains need to obsess

07:20 Compassionate other voices

09:20 Erp as the gold standard, what is it?

10:45 Amygdala, the brain, and the threat response

15:44 How erp fits into cognitive behavioural therapy

18:40 Which cbt treatments are unhelpful for OCD

21:45 Brody and their contamination OCD

24:20 How might erp look like for Brody?

26:30 What we don't do with erp

27:10 Do you have to immediately do exposures?

27:30 Who picks the exposures?

28:30 You are in control and what to do if you aren't ready?

29:28 You can't fail your erp

31:15 How scary should exposures be? How Brody tackles erp

34:29 What to do to make erp work?

36:00 How family and other support can help

41:10 What comes after therapy?

43:00 When does erp not work?

46:34 Erp is imperfect

49:05 Questions from the listeners: Erp and medication

51:20 Key takeaways for erp for OCD

51:55 OCD Weekly Wins

52:56 Exposure Lab feedback

55:20 Exposure Lab for contamination OCD

56:20 Thank you and goodbyes

Get in Touch:

Got intrusive thoughts to share or questions for us:

Email us at ocdcollectiveuk@gmail.com

Follow us on Instagram: @justcheckingpod

Please check out our privacy policy https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YJZ4Sdh4OpxjRR9twGY6dOMH9n55Mq6qTqLBxOtN3Fw/edit?usp=sharing

Content Warnings:

We do reference some thoughts that people may find distressing so please listen with caution if this is you, and take a break if you need to.

Disclaimer

This podcast provides educational content only and is not a substitute for professional mental health support, please contact a mental health professional for advice and support.