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But For Real

But For Real

By: Valerie Martin & Emerson Ryder
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Welcome to But For Real: the podcast where all your swirling thoughts about mental health, pop culture, and how to human are blended into one delicious variety show, co-hosted by therapists Valerie Martin (resident elder millennial ✌️) and Emerson Ryder (resident Gen Z 🫶).Copyright 2026 Valerie Martin & Emerson Ryder Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Social Sciences
Episodes
  • Unmasking Autism with Devon Price, PhD

    Unmasking Autism with Devon Price, PhD
    May 13 2026
    What if the version of you most of the world knows… isn’t actually *you*?In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with Devon Price, PhD—social psychologist, author of Unmasking Autism (+ several other books!), and badass autistic human—to get really REAL about something that is kinda the opposite of that:Masking.That pattern of adaptation that’s helped you survive… but can slowly erode at your sense of self. 🫠In this conversation, we get into what it actually means to “mask” as an autistic or otherwise neurodivergent person (hell, even just as a people-pleaser living in a capitalist society): how it shows up, why so many of us do it without even realizing, and what happens when you finally start to take that mask off.If you’re one of MANY people who was diagnosed with autism later in life, you know it can feel like a huge relief… but it can *also* feel like grief, anger, and even a full-on “who TF am I actually?” era.We’re talking about what it’s like to spend decades performing “normal,” only to realize you’ve been white-knuckling your way through life—and what it takes to rebuild something that actually fits.And we keep coming back to this:You don’t just “stop masking.”You slowly, painfully, honestly… learn how to exist as yourself.So if you’ve ever thought…“Why am I so exhausted ALL THE TIME?”“Why do I feel like I’m performing in every interaction?”“Who am I without all of this?”…this one’s for you. 🫂In this episode of But For Real, we unpack…What “masking” actually is—and why it’s so common in autistic adultsWhy late autism diagnoses often bring both relief AND griefThe hidden cost of people-pleasing and social “autopilot”Why you can’t just flip a switch and stop masking overnightHow identity confusion shows up after unmasking beginsThe role of burnout, exhaustion, and chronic overwhelmWhy safe relationships are essential for unmaskingThe emotional phases: relief → grief → anger → rebuildingHow to reconnect with your authentic self (without blowing up your whole life)And here’s the timestamps—00:00 – Welcome back to But For Real01:00 – Meet Devon Price, PhD (and why this convo matters)03:30 – The “hive mind” metaphor + masking as social survival05:30 – Listener question: late autism diagnosis in adulthood07:00 – Relief vs grief after diagnosis08:30 – “I’ve been performing my whole life…”10:30 – Why masking isn’t something you can just turn off13:00 – Identity confusion: who am I without the mask?16:00 – The emotional aftermath: anger, grief, and loss19:00 – Autistic burnout + chronic exhaustion22:00 – Safe people, safe spaces, and practicing authenticity26:00 – Reconnecting with your younger self30:00 – What unmasking actually looks like in real life35:00 – Why this process takes YEARS (not weeks)40:00 – Final thoughts: you’re not behind—you’re becomingConnect with Dr. DevonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdevonprice/Substack: https://drdevonprice.substack.com/ Books: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2294535/devon-price-phd/ Connect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
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    48 mins
  • The One About Polyamory with Em Mortenson

    The One About Polyamory with Em Mortenson
    Apr 29 2026
    So… your partner brings up opening the relationship. 👀And you’re trying to be thoughtful, open-minded, maybe even a little curious…but there’s also this voice in the background like:“Wait… do I actually want this?” 🫠In this episode of But For Real, we’re sitting down with therapist Em Mortenson to get into the real conversation around polyamory and ethical non-monogamy—beyond the labels, beyond the hot takes, and into what this actually looks and feels like in real life.Because yeah, on paper?It can sound freeing. Honest. Even aligned. ✨But in practice?It can bring up jealousy, fear, uncertainty—and a whole lot of questions about where your “yes” is actually coming from.We’re talking about what happens when a partner introduces this idea, how to navigate the in-between space of not knowing yet, and why this isn’t something you have to rush to figure out overnight.And we keep coming back to this:It’s one thing to understand something intellectually…and another to feel ready for it in your body.So if you’ve ever found yourself wondering:“Am I actually into this… or am I trying to be okay with it?”“Is jealousy a red flag—or just part of the process?”“How do I explore this without losing myself?”…yeah. This one’s for you. 💬From there, we unpack: How to tell if you’re genuinely interested in polyamory—or just trying to be “chill”Why jealousy is a normal part of ethical non-monogamy (and what to do with it)The difference between curiosity, pressure, and people-pleasing in relationshipsWhat polyamory and open relationships actually look like in real lifeWhy boundaries are essential—and constantly evolving—in non-monogamyCommon mistakes couples make when opening a relationshipHow fear of losing your partner can shape your decisionsWhy this isn’t a one-time “yes or no” decision—but an ongoing conversationWe talk about:00:00 – Welcome back to But For Real00:50 – Meet Em Mortenson (and the chaotic cat story 🐱)03:20 – Tiny pockets of joy when everything feels heavy05:50 – “My partner wants to open our relationship…” 👀07:10 – Am I open-minded… or just scared to lose them?09:00 – Polyamory vs monogamy: what are we actually talking about?12:30 – Why people jump into this too fast ⚠️15:30 – The biggest misconception about polyamory19:00 – Let’s talk about jealousy (because yeah… it’s coming)22:30 – Is jealousy a dealbreaker—or part of it?26:00 – What healthy polyamory can actually look like30:30 – Boundaries, communication, and real-life dynamics35:30 – When this goes wrong (and why it does)41:30 – Polyamory discourse, TikTok, and moral superiority 🙃47:30 – So… how do you know if this is right for you?Connect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
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    54 mins
  • Boundaries Aren’t B*tchy!

    Boundaries Aren’t B*tchy!
    Apr 15 2026
    What if the thing you’ve been calling “being rude”… is actually just having a boundary?Yeah. Let’s talk about it.Because somewhere along the way—especially for women, people-pleasers, and anyone raised to prioritize politeness over honesty—boundaries got branded as selfish, cold, or straight-up b*tchy.And honestly? That narrative is doing damage.In this episode of But For Real, we’re doing a full, unfiltered deep dive into boundaries—what they actually are, why they feel so uncomfortable, and how your relationship with them changes as you grow up (or burn out).We’re talking about the subtle ways we’ve been conditioned to shrink, overextend, and contort ourselves to keep the peace… and the moment you realize: “Wait… I actually can’t keep living like this.”We get into the real-life evolution of boundaries—from being overly accommodating and “nice” to realizing that clarity is not cruelty.And yes, we’re saying the quiet part out loud:Not everyone who sets a boundary is a b*tch… …but also? You might have to tolerate being perceived that way anyway.Cool cool cool. 🫠Because boundaries aren’t just personal.They’re relational. Cultural. Political. Survival.So if you’ve ever wondered:“Am I being too much?”“Why does setting boundaries make me feel like I’m doing something wrong?”“How do I stop people-pleasing without becoming an asshole?”…yeah. This one’s for you.Let’s roll the tape.From there, we unpack: Why boundaries are often mistaken for being rude or “difficult”How people-pleasing and politeness culture shape your ability to set limitsThe difference between being a b*tch vs. having a boundaryWhy your relationship with boundaries changes over timeHow burnout and survival instincts force boundary growthThe hidden cost of over-accommodating yourself in relationshipsWhy clarity is actually kinder than silent resentmentHow cultural expectations (especially for women) distort boundary-settingWhat healthy boundaries actually sound like in real lifeWhy being misunderstood is sometimes part of doing it right We talk about:00:00 – Welcome to But For Real01:00 – Why we needed a boundaries deep dive02:00 – People-pleasing, politeness & cultural conditioning03:00 – “Am I rude… or do I just have boundaries?”04:00 – Why boundaries feel uncomfortable (especially for women)05:00 – Boundaries as survival, not just self-growth06:00 – Tea & Crumpets: Olympics, joy, and elite performance08:30 – What high performers teach us about boundaries10:00+ – The real conversation begins: boundaries, identity & growthResources Mentioned:Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US): Call or text 988Find international support: https://www.findahelpline.comreasonstostay.co Connect with Us:Submit a story for The Lore segmentSubmit a request for advice for our Step Into My office segmentReach out: butforrealpod@gmail.com But For Real on IG: @butforrealpodNow That's What I Call... OKAAAAY PlaylistThe Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenterVal on IG: @valkaymartinThe Gaia Center website: www.gaiacenter.co DISCLAIMER: But For Real Podcast is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment or healthcare. This podcast is solely for entertainment and educational purposes. If you are in crisis, please utilize crisis support services, such as the Crisis Text Line (Text START to 741741 in the US) or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: (Call 988 in the US), or visit www.findahelpline.com for international resources.
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    38 mins
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