Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of relationship trauma, emotional distress following breakups and rejection, a period of depression and questioning one's sense of purpose, and calling off a wedding. There is also mention of over-the-counter sleep medication. Please take care if any of these topics are sensitive for you.

Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with Sydney-based Clinical Psychologist and couples therapist Phoebe Rogers — author of When Will It Happen For Me? — for a warm, funny and deeply honest conversation about AuDHD, relationships, dating, and the long road to self-acceptance.

Phoebe shares her own late diagnosis journey: first identified with ADHD around a year before the recording, and autism shortly after reading Is This Autism? — both discoveries that reframed decades of personal and relationship experiences. She reflects on how she'd always "vibed" with neurodivergent clients and colleagues without realising she was one of them, and how her own painful relationship history — including calling off a wedding at 36 — ultimately drove her to study couples therapy and develop frameworks to help others.

Together, Bri and Phoebe explore how AuDHD shapes the way we date, attach, communicate, and connect — including the intensity of crushes and hyperfocus on a person, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), anxious attachment patterns, and the particular challenges of two neurodivergent people communicating with each other. They also celebrate the beautiful sides: deep loyalty, emotional expressiveness, playfulness, and the capacity to love fiercely.

The conversation moves into friendship too — how "little worlds" work for neurodivergent people, why the neurotypical expectation of large social circles rarely fits, and how self-acceptance opens the door to accepting others as they are. The episode closes with Phoebe's core message: be yourself, and you will find your people.

Takeaways:

1. Late diagnosis can reframe everything — especially relationships.

2. Anxious attachment and RSD are common in AuDHD — and they're workable.

3. "If they cared, they would" is a myth that needs retiring.

4. Love is not supposed to be easy — but it shouldn't require you to hide yourself.

5. Neurodivergent couples often need a "translator."

6. "Little worlds" are valid — and worth protecting.

7. Be yourself — that's the whole dating tip.

Content Warning:

• Discussion of emotional distress and dysregulation
• Experiences of feeling unsafe (including in school and home environments)
• Masking, people-pleasing, and chronic invalidation
• Inner child work (including references to early childhood experiences)
• Trauma (including developmental / “little t” trauma)
• Systemic barriers impacting neurodivergent people

Summary:

In this episode, Bri is joined by Christina Schmidt to explore what it truly means to cultivate a felt sense of safety as an AuDHD person, both internally and within the environments we move through.

Together, they unpack how safety is not just a cognitive concept, but a deeply embodied, nervous system experience, one that is shaped over time through our relationships, environments, and the ways our needs are responded to (or dismissed).

Christina shares powerful reflections from her clinical work, particularly in school settings, highlighting how seemingly small changes, like a new teacher, classroom, or unmet sensory need, can significantly disrupt a child’s sense of safety and capacity to engage.

The conversation explores how many AuDHDers grow up experiencing chronic invalidation, being told to “push through,” ignore discomfort, or prioritise others’ needs, and how this can lead to disconnection from self, high masking, and difficulty accessing safety in adulthood.

Bri and Christina also introduce pathways back toward safety, including co-regulation, meeting sensory needs, reconnecting with the inner child, and gently shifting attention back toward self.

At its core, this episode is a compassionate invitation to move away from self-blame and toward understanding:that safety is not something we “should just have,” but something that is built, supported, and deeply relational.

Takeaways:

• Safety is a felt, embodied experience, not just a thought. It lives in the nervous system, not just the mind.
• Chronic invalidation disrupts safety. Being told to ignore sensory, emotional, or relational needs teaches AuDHDers that their experience doesn’t matter.
• Masking often develops to maintain external safety. Many people learn to prioritise others’ comfort over their own, even at a significant internal cost.
• Environmental changes can deeply impact regulation. Things like new teachers, different tones of voice, lighting, seating, or social dynamics can significantly affect felt safety.
• You are not “overreacting”; your nervous system is responding. Sensory and emotional sensitivity play a key role in how safety is experienced.
• Co-regulation is powerful. Safe people can help us access regulation when we can’t do it alone.
• You don’t have to do it all yourself. Reaching safety can involve others, environments, and supports, not just internal effort.
• Your needs deserve to come first, too. Shifting away from constant people-pleasing is part of building safety.
• Inner child work can support healing. Many experiences of unsafety are rooted in early life, and can be gently met with compassion and validation now.
• Safety is shaped by systems, not just individuals. Social structures, expectations, and environments can either support or block access to safety.
• There is no one way to feel safe. For some, it might feel like warmth, stillness, softness, or “amber light”, for others, something entirely different.
• Safety can start small. Meeting sensory needs, softening expectations, or connecting with one safe person can be a starting point.

You can find Christina on Instagram at @freetobeme.speech.

Content Warning:

• Discussion of burnout and overwhelm
• Experiences of feeling misunderstood or “not fitting”
• Academic and school-related stress
• Perfectionism and pressure around potential
• Mental health challenges (including anxiety and low self-worth)

If these are prickly for you today, go have a cuppa instead!

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Caitlin to explore multi-exceptionality — the experience of being both gifted and multiply disabled (aka AuDHD).

Together, they unpack the complexity of having strengths and challenges that can mask each other. High intelligence, strong verbal skills, or creativity can often hide support needs, while struggles with executive functioning, emotional regulation, or sensory experiences can be misunderstood as a lack of effort or inconsistency.

The conversation explores how many twice-exceptional individuals grow up feeling “out of sync” — excelling in some areas while quietly struggling in others — and how this can impact identity, self-worth, and access to support.

Bri and Caitlin also challenge the idea that capability equals coping, highlighting the invisible effort it can take to keep up, mask difficulties, and meet expectations.

At its core, this episode is about recognising and validating the full picture — and creating space for both strengths and support needs to exist at the same time.

Takeaways:

• You can be gifted and still need support. Strengths don’t cancel out challenges — both can exist at the same time.
• Capability ≠ coping. Just because someone is achieving or performing well doesn’t mean it feels easy or sustainable.
• Twice exceptionality can be invisible. Strengths can mask difficulties, and difficulties can mask strengths — leading to missed or delayed understanding.
• “Inconsistency” often has an explanation. Fluctuating performance is not a character flaw — it reflects underlying differences in processing, energy, and support needs.
• The pressure of “potential” can be heavy. Being seen as capable or “bright” can create unrealistic expectations and internalised pressure.
• Many multi-exceptional individuals feel out of sync. Being ahead in some areas and behind in others can lead to confusion, frustration, and disconnection from peers.
• Masking can come at a cost. Trying to maintain a capable or “put together” image can contribute to burnout and identity confusion.
• Support should be based on need, not visibility. You don’t have to struggle more obviously to deserve help.
• Understanding changes everything. Having language for your experience can shift self-blame into self-compassion.
• You are allowed to be both. Both capable and struggling. Both strong and needing support.

You can find Caitlin on Instagram at @cathartic.collaborations, at her website www.catharticcollaborations.com.au, and listen to her podcast Divergent Dialogues.

Content Warning:

• Burnout and chronic exhaustion
• Workplace stress and misalignment
• People-pleasing and self-sacrifice
• Parenting stress (including early childhood challenges)
• Internal pressure, overwhelm, and productivity struggles

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Adina to explore what it really looks like to build a life and business that actually fits an AuDHD brain, not one shaped by neurotypical expectations.

Adina shares her journey from speech pathology private practice owner to burnout, and the pivotal moment where everything “collided”, forcing her to completely rethink how she worked, led, and lived.

Through that process, she began deeply examining her needs, energy, and capacity, realising that the “expected” path (growing a team, scaling a business, pushing through) wasn’t sustainable for her neurotype. Instead, she rebuilt a business model centred around autonomy, flexibility, and alignment.

The conversation explores the tension between internal drives (like urgency, hyperfocus, and overwork) and the need for rest, boundaries, and self-compassion. It also highlights how tools like AI can act as accessible supports for decision-making, boundary-setting, and reducing cognitive load.

At its core, this episode is about letting go of “shoulds” and moving toward small, intentional steps that honour your actual brain and capacity.

Takeaways:

• You don’t have to follow the “expected” path. The traditional progression (grow, scale, lead a team) isn’t right for everyone, especially for many neurodivergent brains.
• Burnout can be a turning point, not just a breaking point. Moments where everything “collides” can create space to rebuild something more aligned.
• Self-examination is the foundation of an aligned life. Regularly asking “what actually works for me?” is what allows meaningful change — not guessing or copying others.
• Autonomy isn’t a luxury, it’s often a need. Many AuDHDers thrive when they can control environment, schedule, communication, and workflow.
• Internal demands can be louder than external ones. ADHD urgency + autistic deep focus can create intense internal pressure, even without external deadlines.
• You don’t need to do everything at once. Small, iterative changes are often safer and more sustainable than “all or nothing” leaps.
• AI can be an accessibility tool — not a replacement for thinking. It can help with decision-making, scripting boundaries, and reducing overwhelm, while you stay in control.
• People-pleasing and self-advocacy can coexist. You can care about others and still set boundaries that honour your needs.
• Time-for-money work can be limiting (and exhausting). Diversifying income (even slightly) can create more flexibility, capacity, and sustainability.
• Creativity and joy matter, even without productivity. Doing things just because they feel good (not because they’re useful or profitable) is regulating and necessary.
• The goal isn’t perfection, it’s alignment. You don’t need a perfect system, just one that fits you better over time.
• “Little steps toward something that fits you better” is the work. Sustainable change happens through small, ongoing adjustments, not overnight transformation.

Adina can be found on Instagram at @differently.aligned (Business Coaching) and @play.learn.chat (Therapy focus).

Content Warning:

• Burnout and shutdown
• Masking and identity confusion
• People-pleasing and self-sacrifice
• Discussion of childhood experiences and labels
• Social pressure, fitting in, and internalised expectations

Go gently if these topics are dysregulating for you.

Summary:

In this episode, Bri sits down with Laetitia Andrac to explore AuDHD through the lens of parts, identity, and the roles we develop to survive and succeed.

Laetitia shares her journey from high-achieving strategy consultant to burnout, and how discovering her daughter’s neurodivergence led to her own late diagnosis. Together, they unpack how growing up without the “right” label often leads to collecting harmful ones instead: shaping identity through external expectations rather than self-understanding.

The conversation dives deeply into parts work, from Internal Family Systems to psychodrama, exploring how certain parts (like the “get shit done” achiever or the selfless leader) are highly rewarded, while others (like the need for silence, rest, or deep interests) are pushed to the back of the bus.

Laetitia introduces a powerful analogy:👉 AuDHD as your operating system, and your parts as apps.

The episode ultimately invites listeners to move away from “fixing” themselves and toward building relationships with all parts, even (and especially) the ones that have been hidden, dismissed, or shamed.

Takeaways:

• If you don’t get the right label, you collect the wrong ones. Growing up without understanding your neurotype can lead to harmful identity narratives and reduced self-worth.
• Some parts are rewarded, others are rejected. Productivity, selflessness, and high achievement are often praised, while rest, quiet, and deep internal worlds are dismissed.
• The “get shit done” part can come at a cost. Capable parts often dominate until burnout forces other needs to the surface.
• People-pleasing is often relational intelligence, not a flaw. Being attuned to others can be valued socially, but can lead to self-abandonment when it becomes the dominant role.
• Masking can disconnect you from who you are. Many AuDHDers develop a strong “masking part” that performs externally while internal distress goes unseen.
• Burnout can reconnect you with lost parts. Experiences like shutdown or burnout can bring forward parts that were previously ignored, like the need for stillness, silence, or non-productivity.
• Special interests are often dismissed, but deeply protective. They bring joy, meaning, and regulation, yet are frequently minimised because they don’t align with social norms.
• AuDHD is the operating system, and parts are the apps. Your neurotype is your wiring, but your parts (roles, adaptations, identities) are layered on top and can be understood and reshaped.
• You don’t need to delete parts; you need relationships with them. Trying to “get rid of” parts doesn’t create change; it creates disconnection. Healing comes from understanding their role and intention.
• Befriending your parts is an act of rebellion. In a world that prioritises performance and conformity, choosing authenticity and internal connection is powerful and countercultural.

You can find Laetitia on Instagram at @understanding.zoe and on the web at www.understandingzoe.com.

Content Warning:

• Discussion of trauma (including “little t” developmental trauma)
• People-pleasing, masking, and burnout
• Emotional overwhelm and RSD
• Gender expectations and systemic pressures
• Brief mention of distressing childhood experiences

Summary:

In this deeply validating and expansive conversation, Bri sits down with Em from NeuroWild (an autistic ADHD speech pathologist, illustrator, and advocate) to explore what it really means to grow up, parent, and exist in a neuronormative world.

Together, they unpack the hidden costs of being the “easy,” “good,” or “pleasing" child, and how patterns like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and masking follow many AuDHDers into adulthood.

Em shares the realities behind NeuroWild, from creative bursts and burnout cycles, to raising neurodivergent kids in a way that centres safety, autonomy, and connection over compliance.

The episode challenges common therapeutic ideas (like “big vs small problems”), questions the push for independence, and reframes emotional intensity as something meaningful, not something to suppress.

At its core, this is a conversation about unlearning: unlearning “shoulds,” unlearning sameness, and learning to build lives, and families, grounded in safety, authenticity, and the long game.

Takeaways:

• You’re not “too much”, your environment might be too mismatched. Emotional intensity isn’t a flaw. It’s information.
• “Big reactions” aren’t the problem. Trying to suppress them for convenience often causes more harm than good.
• People-pleasing is learned, not inherent. Many AuDHDers were rewarded for being “easy,” and are now unlearning it.
• We need to stop teaching compliance and start teaching safety. Kids (and adults) thrive when they feel safe, not when they’re forced to perform.
• Independence isn’t the ultimate goal, connection is. Interdependence is human. Needing support is not failure.
• We’re playing the long game. The goal isn’t a “well-behaved child”, it’s a safe, self-aware adult.
• Not everything deserves a “yes”. It’s okay to leave, cancel, or opt out, even if you’ve paid, planned, or committed.
• Start asking: “whose expectation is that?”. A lot of what we chase isn’t ours, it’s inherited from systems that don’t fit us.

You can find Em on instagram at @neurowild_, on facebook as NeuroWild, and online at www.neurowild.com.au.

Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of...

• Trauma and systemic oppression
• Racism, colonisation, and minority stress
• Misdiagnosis (including BPD) and mental health stigma
• Brief mention of self-concept distress

Please take care while listening and pause if needed.

Summary: In this deeply thoughtful and expansive conversation, Bri sits down with Mish - a non-binary, neurodivergent, South Indian mental health social worker - to explore what it really means to live as an AuDHD person at the intersection of culture, identity, and systems.

Together, they unpack the concept of flash forwards - a lesser-discussed but powerful experience of anticipatory dread - and how AuDHDers may vividly “pre-live” the future in ways that feel intensely real.

Mish shares their lived experience of being misdiagnosed with BPD, the impact of stigma, and the relief and rage that can come with finding more accurate, affirming frameworks.

The conversation expands into how neurodivergence is always filtered through culture, and how people of the global majority experience compounding layers of minority stress, masking, and misinterpretation.

They explore:

• Why safety is not universal, but can be “safe enough”
• How identity shapes both trauma and healing
• The role of flash forwards in burnout, anxiety, and survival
• And what it means to move toward your “favourite self”, rather than your “best” or “most productive” self

This episode is an invitation to stay curious, to listen deeply, and to rethink what we’ve been taught about both neurodivergence and healing.

Takeaways:

• Flash forwards are real and valid. Not just “overthinking”. They can feel like vividly living a feared future, with full-body responses.
• Your brain is trying to protect you. Flash forwards are often your system attempting to anticipate and prevent harm.
• The “where self” matters. Reorienting to where you are (not just what you feel) can help anchor you in the present.
• Neurodivergence is shaped by culture. It is never experienced in isolation. Race, gender, queerness, and systems all shape how it shows up and how it’s perceived.
• Minority stress compounds everything. Being neurodivergent and part of marginalised communities amplifies burnout, masking, and anticipatory anxiety.
• Same traits, different judgments. Behaviour seen as “leadership” in some may be labelled “too much” or “intimidating” in others.
• Masking is not the enemy. It can be a survival tool. The goal isn’t always to unmask, but to have choice.
• “Safe enough” is the goal. Healing doesn’t require perfect safety, just moments where your system can soften.
• Find your “favourite self”. Not your most productive, healed, or optimised self, just the version of you that feels most like you.
• The greatest privilege is not having to know. And the invitation is to choose curiosity anyway.

Mish can be found via email at mishma@niram.com.au and on Insta at @neuroqueer.emdrtherapist.

Content Warning - This episode includes discussion of:

• Experiences of being misunderstood, shamed, or corrected for communication differences
• Neurodivergent masking and social challenges
• Workplace and school-based communication difficulties

Please take care while listening and pause if needed.

Summary: In this episode, Bri sits down with AuDHD speech pathologist Cammy to explore the nuanced, often overlooked world of communication preferences in AuDHDers. Together, they unpack how communication is far more than just “talking and understanding”, it includes how we tell stories, ask for help, process language, use tone, and navigate relationships.

Cammy shares insights from both her lived experience and clinical work, highlighting how many AuDHDers have been misunderstood or even shamed for the way they communicate. The conversation dives into directness, sensitivity, scripting, and the push-pull of AuDHD traits, while emphasising that communication is dynamic, relational, and deeply personal.

They also explore the importance of self-awareness, collaboration, and accommodations, from communication profiles to visual supports, and how both neurodivergent people and their environments share responsibility in creating understanding.

Ultimately, this episode is an invitation to move away from “fixing” communication, and toward honouring, understanding, and supporting it.

Key Takeaways:

• Communication is more than speech. It includes storytelling style, tone, pacing, literal vs non-literal language, help-seeking, and more.
• There is no “right” way to communicate. Differences are neutral. What matters is understanding and supporting them, not correcting them.
• Directness and sensitivity can co-exist. Many AuDHD people are both direct and deeply sensitive, which can create relational tension that needs open conversation.
• Relationships are the foundation. Communication works best when there is reciprocity, repair, and ongoing dialogue about what works for each person.
• Scripting is a valid and helpful tool. It can act as a starting point - “copy, paste, then personalise” - rather than something rigid or inauthentic.
• Self-awareness comes first. Clinicians (and everyone!) need to understand their own communication preferences before supporting others.
• Accommodations support authentic communication. Tools like communication profiles, visual supports, and environmental adjustments help people communicate the way they want to.
• AuDHDers shouldn’t carry all the load. Communication is a shared responsibility. Environments, clinicians, teachers, and peers all play a role.
• If in doubt… ask. The most powerful (and often underused) tool: ask the person about their communication preferences.

You can get in touch with Cammy via email at cammy@letstalksp.com.au and over Instagram at @lets.talkneurodiversity.