The story of a meltdown. For me these days, that includes some intrusive thoughts around being a burden.

You are not a burden. And even if we are sometimes, that's okay. I want to be a part of communities that can carry each other sometimes.

repost of ep 23

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This week I pushed my body way too far, even though I was having trouble parsing that in the moment. The story is also a great analogy for how other ND internal needs feel (including PDA).

Even with all the info, self-kindness, and support, I still struggle to find that exact line of capacity. It's okay that it's hard to figure out!

This is the perfect and slightly ironic follow-up from last week's episode about giving up on NT/ableist expectations ;) (ep 80)

Repost of ep. 81

Mentioned in episode:

• wish list
• Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life
• Comparative Grammar of Spanish, Portuguese, Italian and French (affiliate link)
• Mackareth's Neurocomplexity model (& affiliate link if you want to sign up)

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Alexithymia is common in AuDHDers, and involves having trouble identifying and communicating emotions.

There are a lot of reasons this can be the case, including:

interoception differences

lack of useful training in emotional skills & language

different emotional experiences than expected in the situation

Childhood Emotional Neglect (which can cause alexithymia)

Alexithymia is NOT a disorder! It's a difference.

And... you may have reasons to question whether there are aspects of it you want to address.

Additional reading:

• When you can read everyone but yourself: on autistic and ADHD emotional awareness by Morgana Clementine
• What Is Alexithymia? Defined, Explained, and Linked to Neurodivergence from Neurodivergent Insights
• Alexithymia on Stimpunks (various quotations gathered)

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I would guess that most AuDHDers struggle with money in one way or another. Saving or planning for the future can be particularly difficult to emotionally attach to in the same way we connect with wanting something in the present moment.

I use several tools to stay emotionally connected to my money big picture, and spoiler alert none of them is a budget:

• tracking all income closely
• a multi-tab finances overview spreadsheet that includes monthly income over time + a debt tab with all monthly payments
• calculating Net Worth* monthly (using a spreadsheet I found online)

While a strict budget has never worked for me, staying attached to my overall money picture has been incredibly helpful.

The latter part of the episode shares two tools for anxiety around money:

1. @12:14 - Reversing the spin (works for any spinning sensation, and any type of anxiety)
2. @20:23 - "Throwing" the task to the horizon, then bringing it back in safe ways. Repeat until feeling more neutral

p.s. doing #2 above while recording actually helped me get started on my taxes, which I submitted six days early (possibly a personal record??)

*yes this is a terrible term

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This & next week are two episodes on money & finances as a follow up to last week's interview (more from Hyperfocus here).

Justice sensitivity can highlight the unfairness we often feel between our financial situations and those of people who haven't struggled to find and keep work. For example, AuDHDers often experience conflict with bosses who think we ask too many questions or have a bad "vibe."

For me, acknowledging and soothing that unfairness with things beyond just spending has been important.

The episode also touches on comparison with others, consumerism, and why I just buy things directly from China now (via AliExpress, and that link gives me a whopping $1 coupon if you end up making a purchase ;)

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Thanks again to Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson for sharing this interview with financial therapist Christine Hargrove.

She shares ADHD-focused advice that is useful for AuDHD folks as well! And the next two weeks will touch on other financial topics from this foundation.

I especially love the line, "The best budget is one you can follow on your worst day"

Learn more about Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson here!

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I just started using a paper planner again for the first time in many years, and the coolest thing is noticing that calendared blocks of time feel more "real" to my brain when I've written them by hand. That tangibility in turn seems to be making it easier to stick with things.

Caveat that it can always be the initial dopamine surge of any new system! That said, if it's working, I say try new tools anyway, even if they only work for a few months ;)

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Sometimes... a process is happening, internally. It can be integration, change, growth, positive disintegration... and sometimes it's unclear. Either way, the uncertainty can be disconcerting and frustrating!

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