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What No One Tells You

A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood

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About this listen

 Your guide to the emotions of pregnancy and early motherhood, from two of America’s top reproductive psychiatrists.

When you are pregnant, you get plenty of advice about your growing body and developing baby. Yet so much about motherhood happens in your head. What everyone really wants to know: Is this normal?

-Even after months of trying, is it normal to panic after finding out you’re pregnant?
-Is it normal not to feel love at first sight for your baby?
-Is it normal to fight with your parents and partner?
-Is it normal to feel like a breastfeeding failure?
-Is it normal to be zonked by “mommy brain?”

In What No One Tells You, two of America’s top reproductive psychiatrists reassure you that the answer is yes. With thirty years of combined experience counseling new and expectant mothers, they provide a psychological and hormonal backstory to the complicated emotions that women experience, and show why it’s natural for “matrescence”—the birth of a mother—to be as stressful and transformative a period as adolescence.

Here, finally, is the first-ever practical guide to help new mothers feel less guilt and more self-esteem, less isolation and more kinship, less resentment and more intimacy, less exhaustion and more pleasure, and learn other tips to navigate the ups and downs of this exciting, demanding time Emotions Gender Studies Motherhood Parenting & Families Personal Development Psychology Psychology & Mental Health Relationships Sexual & Reproductive Health Social Sciences Pregnancy Emotions

Critic reviews

“‘No one ever told me about this!’ is said by almost every woman during the often confusing experiences of pregnancy, birth, and the first year of motherhood. In this reassuring, accessible, and comprehensive guide, Drs. Sacks and Birndorf tackle common fears and questions—in particular, those that people may be embarrassed or afraid to mention. This is an indispensable resource for anyone who wants information that’s both authoritative and comforting.”
—Gretchen Rubin, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project
“Though it’s written by medical professionals, the book reads like a reality check from a calm friend. It doesn’t shy away from the hard stuff, either… From the outset, the authors break through what they call the ‘bliss myth’: the fiction that motherhood is all joy, all the time. In the process, What No One Tells You makes room for something better — acknowledgment of the complexity and reality of motherhood. There’s no one way to become a mother, the authors suggest — and that’s just fine.”
—The Washington Post
“Becoming a mom is magical. But it can also bring concerns and stress. In their loving and practical book, Drs. Sacks and Birndorf will be your trusted guides through this wonder-filled—yet sometimes bewildering—experience.”
—Harvey Karp, MD, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiest Baby on the Block
“This book teaches mothers how to best care for themselves psychologically. I can’t think of another book like it: written by experts who are both caring and authoritative and who can prepare new mothers for this tremendous identity shift and all the emotional changes that come up along the way. I wish I had a book like this when I was going through pregnancy and new motherhood.”
—Christy Turlington Burns, founder & CEO of Every Mother Counts
“Too often women imagine pregnancy, childbirth, and the first year of parenthood through rose-colored glasses. Reproductive psychiatrists Sacks and Birndorf reassuringly talk about why these experiences can be stressful. They call pregnancy early motherhood 'matrescence,' which fittingly sounds like adolescence, 'another time when bodies morph and hormones surge'…. A good guide to mental health issues faced by new parents.”
—Booklist
All stars
Most relevant
After seing Alexandra Sacks' talk on Matresence, I was really excited about her book and was hoping for an in-depth look into the trasformation that is motherhood. No such thing here.

I mean yes, it does mention some rarely discussed issues, but it's very superficial and over-simplistic.

There's no deeper story, most of the time they're purely enumerating scenarios from their practice (you may feel this, you may feel that) which makes it barely relatable and frankly quite tedious at times.

The advice on breastfeeding and infant sleep can actually be harmful because there's no adequate context. Sure, they want to normalize each experience and promote non-judgement, but not explaining for example the value of support or what's biological norm for infant sleep is an issue I can't get over.

Would not recommend.

Very disappointed

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I really enjoyed this book as someone who works in this space of emotional health through birth. The areas covered really are generally missing from the conversations and it’s great to hear them normalised and explored.

The one thing I felt was that it was still quite medicalised in language and feel.

Useful and a must read but a couple of things...

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