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Man Down

Why Men Are Unhappy and What We Can Do About It

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Man Down

By: Matt Rudd
Narrated by: Joe Jameson
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'The most honest, most revealing - and funniest - exploration of male mental health I have ever read' Adam Kay

'Matt Rudd may have written the most important book in a generation' Idle Society

'A whole-hearted and important attempt to analyse what has gone wrong for so many men and to make some tentative suggestions for what may help' The Times

'This book is essential' Sathnam Sanghera

'I love everything Matt Rudd has ever written' Chris Evans

'I loved it' Christine Armstrong

On the surface, men today don't have much to complain about. At work, they still get paid more than women for doing the same jobs. At home, they still shirk most of the unpaid labour. Putting the bins out does not count.

Beneath the surface, it's a different story. An alarming number of men end up anxious, exhausted, depressed - and very reluctant to admit they are. Even if they do everything that's expected of them in work, life and fatherhood, genuine happiness is still elusive. By midlife, their levels of stress are higher and their levels of wellbeing are lower - and work-life balance turns out to be just a cruel illusion.

The evidence is clear and ironic: the system set up by men for men doesn't work for men either. It is making none of us happy.

In Man Down, Matt Rudd takes the long view on this perplexing paradox. Drawing on stories from his own life, and the varied lives of the other men he has interviewed, he goes back to the beginning to consider what makes the modern man - how the seeds of midlife misery are sown in the school playground and cultivated through adolescence and into adulthood. By turns compassionate and provocative, Man Down asks the important question: is midlife unhappiness inevitable? Spoiler alert: it isn't.©2020 Matt Rudd Fatherhood Marriage & Long-Term Partnerships Parenting & Families Personal Development Relationships Happiness Witty Suspenseful Health
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Critic reviews

This is the most honest, most revealing - and funniest - exploration of male mental health I have ever read
Matt Rudd may have written the the most important book in a generation. It could also be the saving grace of millions of young men in their 20s and 30s, getting to them in time before they reach middle age, exhausted, confused and angry, literally saving lives
There are few people who understand men, or, indeed, unhappy men, more than Matt Rudd. I read everything he writes and this book is essential
The brave, funny and searing tale of a man who has it all and is figuring out what went wrong. I loved it
I love everything Matt Rudd has ever written
Engaging, sensible and worth reading
Touchingly honest, and extremely funny . . . this is a whole-hearted and important attempt to analyse what has gone wrong for so many men and to make some tentative suggestions for what may help
All stars
Most relevant
Recommended and I felt obliged to finish it. Rewound the last few minutes three times looking for the 'advice " or the cure to mid life crisis as I sit here awake at 4.20am worried about going back to sleep.
I laughed out loud in the first few chapters. Compared and thought better of myself in the next few.
Spoiler alert...
The answers are the same. Be kinder to yourself. Less judgemental. Be present. Connect more. Take time to listen to your heart every day.
Now I've told you the lasagne tastes good that shouldn't stop you from eating it yourself. Enjoy.

You're not alone

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This was both a challenging and enjoyable read. I would highly recommend any and all to give this a read - not just men. Rudd is brutally honest with a deep compassionate tone to all the myriad of shifts in demands on men. I’m not in my 40s, I’m in my 30s and found this book very applicable.

Brilliant book!

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Loved this book. A fantastic insight into how we're failing to help men throughout their lives. Along with many life lessons that we could all do with having a think about. Very well written, with good humour, balancing serious topics with life observations. Highly recommend.

A great read for men and women who care about them

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This book irritated me because it presents a very narrow, polite, middle-class version of male unhappiness as though it speaks for “men” generally.

It has some fair observations about men bottling things up, midlife malaise, loneliness and the need for better emotional honesty. But it never really gets under the bonnet. There is little serious engagement with biology, neuroscience, testosterone, dopamine, sleep, stress physiology, ADHD, depression, addiction, status loss, male hierarchy, or the medical realities behind male distress.

It also completely misses the anthropological point: modern men have largely lost rites of initiation, male tribe, ordeal, honour structures and meaningful passage into adulthood.

Instead, the book often feels like golf-club vulnerability: respectable, mildly funny, and safe enough to discuss with someone you barely know.

My frustration is that it treats male collapse as mainly a communication problem, “men should talk more”, when the real issue is much deeper: men are often uninitiated, overstimulated, under-connected, status-insecure, biologically dysregulated and spiritually underemployed.

Not a terrible book, but far too soft and conventional to explain the machinery of male unhappiness. More polite fluff than revelation.

Man Down: The Good Boy’s Guide to Quiet Despair

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